:)

I am one man-I am myself..I am a child gazing at own feet and little gutters rinsed by the stream in a gravel..It's a snail! It's a leaf! I admire the snail..I admire the leaf...Trivial life becomes silent..I dry flowers among pages of Shakespeare's sonnets.Derisive ghosts which used to embrace me go back home.We are not so little complicated though love is simple.Sitting in deep armchairs staring at the flames we get impression of architectural solidity.If only life and thoughts could gain this constancy..Someone is grasping the poker..damaging appearance of solidity..everything is transforming-youth and love.
There are shops and houses in the background grey towers of local church ,glass shelves on front ..full of sweet buns and ham sandwiches..Everything is turning misty..foggy by steaming tea kettle.People..Ia m displayed in front of their sights&they in front of mine..they have soft faces with moving skin..deft like monkeys.I am aware of despair,cruelity and cofusion.It is so strange to go through the crowd and see the world via eyes stinging coz of tears.Circle has no fractures..the harmony is full..ther eis common spring of existence.The feeling of being aimless penetrates us making us old on early youth..crowds of people rush in search of civilization like flocks of birds wandering..looking for summer.I still wake up and fall asleep all over again..I see jug for tea buffet full of pale yellow sandwiches men in suits next to the bar..and far behind them eternity..all on the background of bird wings..dense feathers of the past.I am always the youngest..the most trustful and gullible..You are safely covered and I am naked.. He will forget about me..won't response to my letters..I will be sending poems and getting postcards in return..But for this I love him...
I will offer meeting near the cross.I will be waiting and he won't come..But for this I love him..
Absent minded..almost utterly unconscious will sail awau from my life..and I will enter others' one...it is just the beginning youthful risky venture..There is a cart looming down becoming bigger and bigger..the day is waking up..lush colours are coming back but who am I ? me supported over the gate looking at the dog running in a circle..maybe more than a woman I am just a light falling on the gate..or maybe I am seasons of the year..january may november..mud fog the dawn..Everything derivated from me is wild Now I am hungry thinking of bread with butter..white plates in sunny room..flowers among jam jars.We are silent..
We are fulfilled with a bliss,gold flowing in the blood..heart beating in a calm trance..We mistook something coz of fear...changed somehting coz of vanity..trying to emphasize differences all led by the feeling of separation.It's hatred..it's love..it's black rapid stream..which brings headache when we look at it..Ia m going to fill the emptiness..prolong nights and fulfill them with dreams...Death is interweaved with violets.our bodies are firm..cool..Winter &summer days in front of us..we have just started this wha tis on the store.Ther eis margin of indifference in me..curiosity in my eyes....

about me with a wink

...here grass waves on the meadows..People rush somewhere along the street in loudless manner.City roads crossed with asphalt paths.....black cat in the bushes scared birds wen the cook was taking rubbish out Their humming is full of fear becasue of pain and full of happiness that can be used only at moment's notice.At home doors shut themselves one by one pushed by the blast of cool summer wind flying through empty corridors.There is old picture swinging on the wall and red rose petal falling down from the vase on the table.Country man's cart is leaving straw on the hedges..And I see all of these each time i pass sthe mirror on the landing .I have this little one mirror on the stairs..cutting our heads;)I will give image to everyhting I dislike and bury it deeply underground.I see white fields of daisies and dresses and tennis courts crossed with white lines.Flowers shake their heads behind the window..I see wild birds...and from my wild heart impulses flow..wilderthan the wildest birds are.Flowers are shaking..birds singing and ther eis a monster waking along the seaside..in gold chains..One night..there was strong wind and sudden thunder...there wasa star sailing through the clouds and I said to her : ''Absorb me please''
Winds and storms coloured one month.and puddle appeared on our courtyard....she was laying..terrible cadaverously-grey puddle and I was holding a message in envelope...Came up to the puddle.and couldn't overcome the obstacle.I lost my own identity.''We are nothing''I said and I fell down.I was blown off like a feather and liften through tunnels.Then carefully stepped and supported by red bricked wall I pushed myself back into the body with difficulty.Disembodied and free Ia m flying over the fields seeing..man fishing.tower...country lane and all is unreal and foggy.Ther eis no place in my mind for hatred or grudge ..Ia m just ephemeral pedestrian whose mind has been overpowered by dreams and garden noises.Early morning..when the flower's petals are swimming through unmeasured depths and birds are singing..I sprinkle myself with bright waters of my childhood.It is hard not to cry when we sing ..when we call ourselves little children..and ask God for care when we sleep..when we are sad we shiver with fear ..it is pleasant to sing together holding each other's hands...same time being afraid of so many things .We run up upstairs like pony..one bu one in order to take place in a queue to bathroom..bouncing on our white hard legs..screaming ..NOW IT IS MY TURN!!!! no ..now me going!!!!lol I am sitting on the path and swinging petals in the brownish bowl.All my ships are white.I don't wanna red petals of mallow or geranium.I wish to have just white which float on the water when i tilt the bowl.I have now already all fleet sailing from one river bank to the other.I am throwing there a twig-will be like a raft for drawning man.I am throwing a pebble to see some bubbles rising from the depth of the sea.I have the moment only for myself..moment of freedom..I take all fallen petals and let them float all on the water.I pour down water drops on some...and rght there I wil place lighthouse.Then Ia m swinging the bowl..so that ships may rip the waves.Some will sink...Some will crash into the rocks..one ship is sailing alone-my ship.It sails into fozen cave..there is sea-bear roaring and green chains of stalactites are swinging.
We are laying under the black currant bushes..Each blow of wind covers our body from toes to heads..My hand is like the skin of a snake..my knees are like pink islands soaked in the water..your face is behind the apple tree net.There are black wings of leaves above us..You have a twin in the hair..You have a green caterpillar on your neck...Snail's home is visible in the grass like a dome ..Bird is diving his beak in the soft bodyof a worm..Now we are safe..we can get straight again...stretch out our arms under this huge dome of the forest...I can not hear anyhting apart from the sound of wild dove flying in the air .over the beech on his wooden wings.Now you are escaping again..going up like baloon's string...
I am shaping balls from bread and call them people...Wherever we go things are changing under the glance of our sight..byt when we leave it al behind ..aren't are same again?Ther eis some kind of mystery that surrounds peoplewhen they are moving away from us.Ia m taking lemon sponge and soak it in the water..it became chocolat eincolour Holding it high and squeezing in my palm.water is pouring down through the gutter of my spine.My body cold..wet and shining...wrapped up in warm towels...When I dry my back ..the roughness of the towel makes the blood around the ribs purr.
I stretch out my toes till I can touch the rods on the other side of my bed...touching them I make sure about constant staff existing next to us.Finally my thoughts may pour out fro m my mind..free from upsetting collisions I am sailing alone under the white rocks.
Not touched with any oar..the lake of my mind is waving mildly and after a moment is diving into oil sleepiness.
Someone has raised hand up to his neck...due to such unexpected actions..human beings fall in eternal love.
Each evening i tear out the card from calendar..smash it is my fist..this way I take vengeance oh the image of passing school day.
Blood that crushes my ribs must be light-red and foamed.I feel this pinching in my feet..Behind my eyes everyhting is dancing...net..grass...faces..more convulsively like butterflies...and trees seem to be jumping up and down.There is nothing constant..nothing moving in the universe..Everything is waving and going round..Everything is velocity and victory but when I am laying on this hard ground I start to feel a kind of need...that someone will come here and find me ..someone attracted by anonymous impulse inside of me,,someone who can not live far away without me..then we will move to some kind of solitary place and talk together by the tongue of eyes.Now the flush ..the rise is decreasing and trees comes down back ..on the earth...and I may go for tea;) I am dreaming of fireplace and fire shelter and closeness..and I am dreaming of night to come .''people who are upset are just sunsets-lovers''....At night Ia m a friend of Wergiliusz and Platon.
These were handicaped days just like moths with burnt wings unable to fly.....But through all these summers and winters somehting arose inside of me..in houses.staircases....I do not wanna all thes epeople staring at me with admiration when Ia m leaving..I wish to give...and have something back and I wish my solitude in where I may cherish all my precious memories.I flutter like pyjama on the wind even while my teeth are crushing sandwich with butter and I'm drinking sweet milk.Then I will be back ...I will be coming back home along the trambling avenues under the domes of hazels..Passing old lady who is pushing baby's pram filled with dry twigs...and i wil be passing a shepard..but we will not say even a word just have an exchange of smile.I will go back and see curved leaves of lettuce sprinkled with dew drops..and blind house..with covered windows.And I will be back in my old same room .open the wardrobe and touch all staff...sea shells..and postcards with all memories preserved ;bewitched belongings. I will feed the pigeons and squirrel and I will go to the shelter and comb the spaniel.The introduction has taken its place.and the world has been performed..I will be back home soon.
I am now and here...with my elbow supported on the window-sill..ther eis a cat sleeping in a bucket ..2 men and 3 women..we are getting closer and run away with each second.,,running through the fields of golden wheat.This life...life has appeared fro m the sea l..life holding long dark fringe..we are attached to that like bodies to wild horses.Someone is getting on a train...I do not believe in isolation..I try to get to know new one in the department but instinctively his presence is annoying me.We are not separeted creatures.I wish to increase my collection of precious observations concerning the nature of human behaviour.I fulfill my mind and thoughts with all Ia m surrounded with.Our loneliness wears the marks of fractures...
Human voice can be so DISARMING...I need a kind of concrete in everything..only this way I may getin touvh with the world..the best things are createdin loneliness..theyneed final freezing...it can not happen in affectionate soluble words...Necessity is resting in my mind freely..like a button or old coin...
Mil old man is picking up old tickets..someone talks about the nature of human destiny..someone lost the ticket..standing on the platform is waving his hands ...the train went without him..
When Ia m leaving the room where people talk...I hear only my steps.I see the moon going up in all his indifference and majesty..people say Ia m elusive...they do not know they should get used to changes and huard all entry and exits..to their life..Ther eare here some people that make good impression on me..I call them ''creatures who know how to achieve balance in the middle of the river'' ( and immediately in my imagination I see fishes with their mouth in one direction and and opposite current of the river)We are all like fish in the middle of the river.When I enter the room..switch on the light..I feel Ia m one of these full of fantasy impudent..able to reflection human..and I grab the fountain pen and write .write a letter ..that I have to start all the time again and again from the beginning...but still with same eagerness and pleasure.What I need is the speed...sentences coming one by one.like avalanche . I need Byron to dive into perfect mood.

It was perfect day..Beats that gathered under the dome of my soul are colourful and perfectly round...I like glimpsing through other people's arms...all the time somehting new jumps into my head.Nothing should be named ..naming..we change it unconsciously..let everyhtingbe soaked in a delight and joy..this beauty..this sea shore ..this me..I tis hot now...ships are sailing through red ..through green..and in the backgroud there is a bell audible...but not for death..There are bells bringing life..leaf is falling down from happiness..Ach...I AM IN LOVE WITH LIFE.....And I will be home soon

Knock on the sky and listen to the sound.

... again you search for what had gone wrong, realising only after too long that it was not your fault. It was nobody's fault actually. Sometimes, feelings are gone. You finally are able to put the past behind you and forget, but sudden flashbacks and chanced-meetings reignite the dead flames and you wonder and you worry. Your heart is willing but your mind says no.
And you follow your heart...

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revalations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.

Your heart has wings:fly!!!!!

It is 22nd of February (tuesday) and I am sitting at home in warmth with cup of tea in my hand..Yeah epidemy of flew is spreading here fast.Yesterday my mum took my younger brother to doctor but he wasn't examined as there were 58 children waiting to be examined..so mum went there again today.The sentence was : flu....2 weeks at home.:( (it means computer will be occupied more than before).As my brother is same addicted as me .My brother likes pretending he is ill not to go to school ,once he put termometer on the heater then showed my mum and she believed he has fever...Smart beast ha?I didn't go to school yesterday and later called to my friend how was there as we were to hand in business plan for Business studies( me and business hahahaaa I must ask someone for help)anyway she said that I could come becasue even teachers got ill and school is almost empty and safe ground there were only 10 class mates from 34 yesterday.And all my best mates are in beds as I gave them flu as a gift sorry to say...I am innocent....
I got video casette from this school formal party and I watched it safely at home -everything was fine and working.Next day my friend came to me and asked f she could lend mine becasue her is not working properly( actually it was not her,Kasia didn't buy cassette and just borrowed from another class mate -from Asia and it appeared that Asia's cassette had no voice since the middle of entering formal dance),(just then when I opened the door for kasia I was in sleeveless blouse and wind with snow examined my body properly so I got sneezing)So kasia was very afraid that she did something wrong ,that her video damaged voice on Asia'a cassette.I calmed her down .I told her not to worry becasue also one other friend as I heared has cassette without voice.Kasia was calmer and asked if she could borrow mine to watch it properly with voice..Iagreed...there was nothing to loose.next day kasia gave it back to me saying just thanx ,then karolina (girl who was not taking part in the party ) borrowed it to watch at home...Late evening I pick up the receiver and hear :''Oh my God ,Zosia I really don't know what 's the matter,there is no voice on the cassette since middle of dance formal one''.I was in shock.I told Karolina not to worry.Next day Karolina visited me at home (then I gave her flu probably)and we together checked the cassette-there was no voice.I immediately called to kasia but she of course went somewhere with her boyfriend and parents don't know when she will be back.Few days later I was visiting my ill friend (with whom we were coughing together at school..sharing our flu with smiles lol)and she (Asia) said that Kasia gave her back her casette and not checking if it is hers she went to the man who was recording cassettes and replaced it for working one...Guess what!!!!!!! Kasia Gave Asia my cassette which was fine and I got wrong Asia's one.I called to operating man and he said he will come to school soon and give me proper one back....but right now I am not at school...zabardast.On 11th february I was having my birthday but as I gave quite big party on 18 th year I decidednot to organize anything...of course my friends said they will come even if I don't organize it....how cute of them lol:)
Unfortunately everyone was to come on different day...so weekend was messy ( I was hoping they will come all together).On friday came just one friend ...I made cake(mmmmmmmmmmm) bought good wine and pizza.I got sms from other friend that he can't come as he is after painting his grandma's room...grrr...I sent him sms....come dirty and exhausted but today....So on friday I greeted 2 friends and of course there were my siblings too.Unfortunately they seemed to forget about time as it was getting lateee.....so I didn't sleep well.....actually I had to say eventually that I am gonna have a bath...They went.Next day Karolina ( she broke her nose coming back school few days before) came to give me back some notebooks...Gave me late wishes and I invited her upstairs as there was some cake left...,I made also cappucino.We sat down started to talk when we heared door bell....It was Asia with her friend Łukasz(they both looked together like a couple or siblings anyway having great relation with each other)....Karolina was in the other room then and when she heared who came she asked me to hide her somewhere...she was begging me....lol actually I understand her despair becasue she had still bandage (plaster) on her broken nose,but I told her not to worry...beyong friends....so we were sitting together in my sister's big room when Marta ( my neighbour and friend I know since early childhood ).I must admit it was fantstic evening as we were talking on various topics....there was no dancing,no movie but just gossiping,laughing and eating...Mum made in a hurry one little birthday cake and we had some ice cream....and champagne.Next day I found val;entine's card from Lukasz.....I was surprised ,,,,how can someone leave you card He had never seen me before...(or maybe in class photo).Next day also my father called to me apologising that he forgot....I got used to that.On his birthday ( as he was born on 16th) I also wished him with delay...but not deliberately.On 14th february...Valentine's day...( I hate this day)love ,love all around...so much love tat I want to vomit...;)
I got 2roses ,few cards,few sms and too much chocolate...So even lonely heart can be sweettttt lol.
Few days later Łukasz (Asia's friend who is in love with her but she loves someone else) visited me with his friend Maciek.Maciek saw I have virus in computer and offered he will format the disc...I agreed..as his main subject at school is computer studies...so I thought it is safe...lol well I was wrong....after his formating computer was not working at all.....and Suddenly my grandpa came into my room schouting with question why I am not learning as it is not weekend..We were all very confused...LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL....I decided never invite anyone during a week...(although I didn't invite them that time).On saturday my friend came and we were together frying french fries and giggling...it was great...mmm....and so unhealthy...lol

I love such evenings....

My school formal party is over and I think of it as very well organized.Although I was not so lucky because my friend from other school invited me for his party too.I agreed why not?but just one week before my school party he informed me that his party is postponed and it will take place just the day before my own .grrrr.....zabardast.I had to go0 to hairdreser twice but dress was same.At the first party I had really great time..band was great and food delicious...it was great until my friend vomitted on my shoes. so I had to take him under my arm and walk to bathroom..but it was not worst...after time I noticed I have no bag...gr..I started to look for it everywhere..in despair as all my documents ,mobile and camera ws there.Then my friend came to me and that he hid it and will give me back if I will kiss him lolI was mad at him ,of course I denied and told him if he won't give t back I will go home by taxi.he gave it back duly and started to apologise.gr.....and next day my own school party was much calmer altho ugh hall was little and too much crowd there and there was les food than previous evening.Unfortunately my legs or actually feet gave up and I had to take shoes off ,I had highhills and after dancing a lot one evening before I couldn't stand that pain..blisters as usual.Just next day my winter holidays started..and our computer failed...I couldn't imagine holidays without internet so I went to cafe few times and in the end of frredom I visited my father as he invited us but we ( I mean me and my brother ) decided to spend there just one evening.Temperature outside was terrible about 8 degrees below 0 so I am happy I didn't freezed on the way.I told father about computer and he said there is one old computer standing outside inthe snow but very old and if we wish we may take it.It was very useful although hard disc space is only 900 Mb yahoo is working and other programme.I met also my half-brothers.generally it was quite nice. I looked into my father's eyes and asked if he is happy...he answered he was at the beginning.Yesterday we organize at my friend's home watching evening movie for 3 people :)At first we planned to go to the cinema.Maybe 2 weeks ago I went there as it was new opened cinema ,I went for Bridgitte Jones second part..comedy.Till the beginning of the movie I was not sure if I am in proper room .and these terrible ...advertisements...they lasted 20 minutes.grrrr.....at momemts I thought that maybe we mistook the rooms and found ourselves in a room for watching adverts lol.Finally it started and I really couldn't stop laughing ..it was so funny.Main actres Rene Zellwager had to put on weight a lot for the role...well probably she was wel l paid as well for that.I thought yesterday we will go also to this cinema (as I have free ticket :)but friends wanted to save some money so we got same movie on Cd and watched at home.Of course Zosia was late about 15 minutes because of unexpected visit of my zabardast uncle with whom I had to stay and talk.When I got out of the bus I saw one of my friend ,with her I was to meet earlier at the bus stop,she was waiting for me because forgot the way to our target.First we all went (3 girls). to the near shop and buy 2 big pizzas and mega PEPSi...we spent them longer than suposed couldn't decide if to take pizza or french fries...PIzza won .The movie title was ''Curse'' (in some translations ''the grudge'')...horror movie...we were only at home with her black mysterious cat with big green eyes... After taking pizza out of the oven we switched off the light and started to watch.Bbrrr...t was really thrilling.. and we were joking we will stay for night at her house because we are afraid of going home lol. Watching horror also can be funny...taking into account that we laugh when we are afraid.....and when one person starts to shout we all do or run away...:)After one moment I jumped and sat next to me best friend who squeezed my hand lol and we were together shivering with fear...Imagine there was in the movie same black cat as my friend's one so .when her cat suddenly jumped on my knees ....brrrr...
We ate all pizzas...mmm....and drunk all pepsi...then we were watching photos ..and joking .I love such evenings ,after them each depression goes away..on the way home we were holding together...it was dark when we were taking the bus.....even when movie had thrilling climate it was many years ago when I stopped being afraid of horrors...I just say to myself it is fairy tale and that's all.Yesterday I slept like dead...

say bye to old one ...time to cheerish time to be ....just one step ahead...'.

Hello everyone ...I know ,I know whatyou are thinking...''she doesn;t like us '' she stopped posting...''no no nothing like that.....I just didn't manage to deceive the time and life...actually I hardly ever do as I am really bad actress....so I prefer to take life as it is.Starting from 22nd december -the day of my classs Eve meal at school....So I have to say it was quite nice.I dyed my hair (but just with colour shampoo which lasts for about 8 washings)...my hair was to be chestnut coloured but instead I saw in a mirror something like strenghtened ginger ...Well at first I was schocked but then I got used to it.Now it is almost gone.before going out I decided to take a tie....As there is uncle ,grandpa and brother at home I thought on of them may know how to link the tie....Whereas it appeared to be my wish Because they couldn't do that. So finally my grandpa helped me with his shaking hands ..I was a bit late but imagine teacher was more late and camera man was waiting outside.Actually everyone was to come at 8 but as usual we overslept a bit ;) means till 9 nothing was prepared yet.Finally we layed the tables ,lit up the christmas tree...and gathered all together..Unfortunately I sat (accidentally) next to the teacher....I wanted to change the place when I got to know that but it was too late as she was just coming towards me and it would be very unpolite from my side.At times it was quite artificial: teacher started to say her speech greeting one (which seemed to be well prepared before-nothing surprising ,she says same each year ) and she was just to sit down when the camera man asked her to repeat because he didn't launch camera yet.So teacher dully repeated her part..Then one of my class mate read part of a Bible aloud ( as it is christian tradition but not everyone respects it)...surprisingly instead of reading about Jesus Birth he read something totally not associated with the topic.There was heared shy laughter around the class....lol.Everyone was very elegant boys in ties and suits and girls very smart...We started to wish each other sharing the ''opłatek''.There were 34 people to share with so imagine ..it took some time.I was first person to share with the teacher as I was sitting just next to her.Actually everyone gets same wishing so Everyone seems to be bored with that...and the worst is off course kissing. When you end your wishes you must give a hug or kiss 3 times each person...grrrrrr....hahahaha what makes all the girls laugh is one boy in our class...You know each time he was saying anything to the girls he was looking at the breast not into eyes as is proper..We all felt stupid about it but it was possibl;e to pass it,,we just didn't give him much time for his observations lol. .In the background there were carols recorded from radio but we also had to sing one carol ourselves in front of the camera man.....lol but when he was gone boys started to play own Cds with music like dance and techno...Suddenly priest came into the class...''Oh what a nice carol...strange eve you have'' ...teacher went red and replied: oh .well....it is very modern christmas eve '':):):):)He just came with own ''Opłatek '' and everyone must have taken a piece .As usual teache r asked me stupid things like : '' Why Karolina ,Kasia and Ania didn't come ? maybe they have some emotional problems?''(these are my friends) I said they just don't feel this class...There were some nice dishes ...not so much as on real family eve but everything was also delicious.Of course my teacher sitting next to me which is always on a diet for the whole life lol was just tasting and putting away...So we were all just eating talking ...some were sending sms,some smoking cigarettes in the bathroom,also mates from other class came to wish us happy christmas..Some of us left earlier not to help with the cleaning (smart beasts lol ) ,I was till the end ..Class mates were doing some arrangements concerning going out for beer to town together...but I just prefered to go home ,happy because of free days ahead of me.Being home we decorated the christmas tree ,taking off some cobwebs ;)..cleaned around and cheerish freedom...(which was to end soon).Of course school gave us lots of homework for this time thinking we have nothing better to do...!!!??? how wrong it is . It is said it is free time but there is always something to do and in christmas there is cooking ,family greeting ,family wisiting and ....home chatting ..lol So I was to prepare readings for my oral exams in April but I even didn't start it yet..Yeah shame me.The 24th december was full of glory and warm atmosphere.In the morning when shops were still opened I went shopping to buy some little gifts for my 5 family members...As I realise all they like is their mobiles I bought mobile clothing for sister,standing figure for mobile for brother and uncle ( in woman shapes)lol especially uncle was delighted;) mum got from me some cosmetics and grandpa thick winter socks.In town everyone was so in a hurry ...running around with packed gifts ..in haste not to miss the bus...I also bought one gift for my best friend here : figure of angel made of salt mass to hang somewhere ,it was girl angel with long curly white hair and in blue dress holding a book with words: IT IS GREAT YOU ARE HERE FRIEND! Christmas eve supper was delicious but as usual too much of it...There was of course main dish :carp which was reason of argument in the morning ....-who is gonna to kill that poor fish? For years it was cruel work of my grandpa but now he is tooo weak and forgets everything so My brother was very happy to do so.When he is doing this terrible murdery oo the fish I omit him with big step.And everywhere is the smell of fish...Yuk!!!On 24th we are not eating meat,we are fasting preparing for huge amount of food in the evening so dinner in my home that day consists usually of hering water with potatoes and onion.I hate it too...I remeber when on 23th dec. I started to eat some chicken when my mum said : Zosia...don't eat it it is 2 minutes after midnight so fasting is started lol'' hehe...But you know I never count the day started till I go to bed and wake up .Of course even in christmas time my sister was fussing about the fod and I was so fed up with it.Sometimes she really exaggerates,This year our supper was late at 9 in the evening,then we were overpacking gifts .(I got some cosmetics ,teddy bear and underwear ) then at midnight people go to church for so called ''pasterka'' where we sing carols .I usually don't go for it as it is so late and having in mind each time when I fell asleep in the church I think it has no sense.But I went conceived by my driving me crazy sister.When we were on the road heared my uncle calling us from window (he hateschurxh ,priest and everything connected....,sometimes I think he likes christmas only because of fish lol) : ''hey bigots come back ...don't dare go to church '' lol at first we burst out laughing but we were angry with him as some neighbours were also coming...Imagine....Gathering in the church starts always in the darkness ,only there is light coming from big christmas trees standing close to the altar...This time each christmas tree was very pink!!!In the end we were to wish to someone ,,unfortunately there were a lot of my acquaintances ...so there was some work lol. I was sitting next to my sister..I told her : Beata move a bit ,there is free place behind you '' -what for ? she asked._just so ,I am waiting for Keanu Reeves lol I I joked.Maybe 2 minutes after 70 year old man sat next to me .hehe ''See my Keanu -Matrix just came ..''There are some traditions also in christmas eve time ,for exmple boys hang off gates and then we have to look for it ( very wise lol) and there is a belief this night animals talk human voice.You know I used to believe this staff and as a child I always went to my dog to ask him how does he feel..lol but I was very disappointed as he never ever given to me even a word.;)yeah sometraditions are so funny...Two another days were just so ...spent with family and friends wandering somewhere and doing actually nothing benefitial.After sunday time in church my mum and sister went to cemetary but I prefered to leave earlier and go near the river.Mum was a bit angry with me...but it passed fast.I mean her bad mood.Then in the afternoon they went to monastery -there was ceremony called "Holy family..associated with Jesus parents .Well ..I didn't go there with them too.
I thought time in church is enough...I am not saint ..lol. I was laughing my sister will become angel soon.
My dog got better those days although I think he sees just some shadows,anyway he became very familiar with armchair in my room and dog became more like cat as he sleeps all day on the armchair and at night sleeps sharply.Bobo put very much on weight since it got better. so he is better bodyguard now :) On 31st of december -preparations for new year 's party.I was just to leave when phone rang -it was my father.He was inviting me for winter holidays as now he has more room to share and just wanted to wish me happy new year.Yeah I told him same....then I realised It is my grandpa's name day after midnight so I have to wish him ,unfortunately he was in toillet...I was waiting quite long till he come out...wish him and went out with champagne.I dropped for my friend who was to do cake and together we went happily for the place. In a half of way (exactly where taxis are having rest ) I was just telling my friend I took a camera to take some pictures when my sister called on my mobile informing me I left camera downstairs.grrrrrr......we came back for it .Being at 9 in the evening at the party we were greeted by the rest of acquaintances although It was cake which was greeted more than we.lol I was keeping close to my friend as there was my ex-boyfriend there.I am avoiding him ,he is past for me ,it is over but he seems to be still jeallous and treats me like his possession.grrrrrr.....At midnight we were al at the balcony wishing each other happy new year...actually before there was final counting down...10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2.....when people from opposite flat balcony screamed : hey you have wrong clock it is still 4 minutes left.:0 hehe watever...according to our clock it is now.
I got little dizziness and went outside for a moment,leaving my mobile on the table ( big mistake -never do that again ).When I came back I saw that boy holding my mobile in a hand and reading sms .( how could he !!!???????)I asked him "'what are you doing ? give it to me"' Imagine next day I got some messages from my on line friends that they got very abusive sms from my mobile .!!!!!!!!! I was shocked .How that boy could do this ?he has no right.I was so angry that I sent this abusive sms to him in same form as he sent to my friends.He must have been very surprised as he had no idea I will get to know w about his stupid behaviour.There was also mmmmmm pizza...and all was fine apart from that accident with mobile.
I got home at 7 in the morning....so tired after dancing a lot that I just brushed my teeth and washed face and jumped into bed sleeping till 12....I had to wake up soon as it was my grandpa's name day and family was supposed to come.Mum again prepared lots of food and they were all sitting and watching tv and talking about politics...and minor things...I took some pictures these days ,tomorrow film will be developed...So we are in new year ....let it will be better..I hope .Although as I know from my own experience I promise a lot of things each year and it is never fulfilled or maybe just partly....Let's say it is given in testimony to another year....Now I am waiting for next christmas Eve .....and beet soup with mushroom pies..mmmmmm......-it is only once in a year...

come back....... ''Lessie''

Everything was so great till one day.....I don't rember exactly when my dog called ''Bobo''came home with sneezing and something like a cough...We thought ........funny Bobo has a cold....but few days later he came back in terrible state...:he couldn't open his eyes and was hardly walking.We took him to the vet .She prescribed him some antibiotics and eye drops.She warned us before one illness which name I don'tr know how to use in english.At first he looked terrible but medicines seemed to help him.# days ago when I was coming back home my little friend greeted me bouncing and barking happily....That night he vomitted and next morning he was strangely stiff and serious.Then we noticed he is too serious and has nervous ticks.Another vist to proved previous thoughts about that illness.Unfortunately his case is one of the worst in which death rate is 95 %.
Yesterday I was downloading music when my sister and mum came to me and sister was crying that it is very bad with Bobo.He became very aggressive and bite my mum...fortunately she was in a gloves then,what is more my brother wanted to stroke him and dog started to bark at everyone.So when I came out of the room I saw my brother stabnding near the wall and in front of him my dog....with saliva coming out of his mouth,his eyes were shining and big as animals have during the night......Robert couldn't make even a step otherwise dog would bite him.At first it looked funny........I thought great Bobo terrorised the house...but then we all thought how to let Robert go away.....so we came up to a point .......and throw a blanket at our dog ....then Robert run towards us.We called for vet is she could c0ome and give him a kind of tranquilisersbut she couldn't ,her husband said she will be home next day at 10 a.m..Bobo wasn't bad then ,the problem is that illness attacked nervous system,,,,,,,,,,and poor lost his sight and smell so he was afraid of every one and even my mum's hand was like a shadow to him.
We left him for all night under the blanket.......actually it is his favourite blanket under which he used to sleep so he became calm.Next day in the morning I woke up and heared his gasping.....he had problems with breathing.So I decided to uncover him.First my brother took long fishing rot and from upper level was trying to take the blanket off ............but Ithought Bobo must be so weak now that he is vulnerable.I came to him and uncover......at first I was afraid of his sight.........I thought that if he is gonna to die it is better to remember him as a happy bouncing dogy but what to do ....I took the blanket off......he was laying and staring deadly at one point.His eyes were better but still blind.I tried to touch him ...he became very sensitive for touch.But I managed to stroke his head and scratch him a bit behind th ear.He seemed to like it and made some movements by ears.But when my brother came he became again aggressive as if we were stranger to him.He didn't want to eat or even drink....even a . sausage.I started to talk to him and singing but I had tears in my eyes....I became very attached to this dog.......It is terrible feeling to know he is laying and daying and I am useless at that point..He brought back memory of previous dog which also dead.
We called for vet and imagine she said : (it was 10 a.m) I am cleaning the window now .....I can come and give him daying injection( sleep forever) at 3 p.m....otherwise you can bring him earlier to the centre......just put him into the beg....!!!!!!!!!!1 What a terrible cruel woman I thought....We don't want our dog to die ......we still believe there is a chance ....and how can she say bring in bag ......it is not a thing it is feeling dog.I was praying for him to survive or to die not to suffer a lot.Then I had to go to the town when I came back I saw empty place where he was laying.....I has fear in eyes I asked my brother :where i sBobo' he replied .......vet came earlier there is no Bobo''
I thought the worst but realised my brother is not serious and he said ;I am joking .......we moved hi m to other rom ...he has to be islated.But it was true the vet came earlier.......fortunately she said : we have to give him a chance ....Thanx God.Today brother was feeding him with a syringe and milk.I hope he will be fine..soon.But I am afraid this illness which Bobo got from neighbour's female dog spreaded and our other dog has it too.Bob ........Fight.......
I told him ......''Bobo Christmas are coming,,,,,,,,please don't live us'''